America – Not The Fattest Country Anymore
Well, America, we have failed. We used to be number 1, but times change and it's bound to happen that eventually someone will come up from the bottom and beat us. That time has come. Who was the rough and tumble scrapper who fought his way through the minor leagues to come challenge us for the crown? Mexico. Yeah, that's right, Mexico is now the number 1 fattest country in the world!
According to a new study released by the United Nations Food and Agriculture Organization, 32.8% of Mexicans are considered obese. America comes in at #2 with only 31.8 obesity. We are just barely ahead of Syria who comes in at #3 with a 31.6% obesity rate.
America, this isn't something we should take lying down....well...actually that's exactly what we should do. We aren't going to get back to number 1 by exercising. We should be laying back, eating carbs and saturated fats. This is the country that just won the July 4th hotdog eating contest. That mustard yellow belt has to stand for something, right?
If we are going to be #1 again, it's going to take a group effort. Instead of looking at someone who is out jogging and saying "someday I'm going to start doing that" we should instead say "Hey Loser! Where is your patriotism!"
When someone goes back for another round at a buffet restaurant don't judge them for eating too much, think of it as an athlete in the gym maxing out. That person isn't just making their stomach bigger for their own pleasure, they are doing it for America!
Probably the best advice possible here comes (as many great pieces of advice often do) from the Simpsons. In a classic episode called "King Size Homer," Dr. Nick offered this advice on how to gain weight.
So, America, it's time for us to come together. Don't pull yourself up from the bootstraps this time though (that's way to much like exercise) but instead slip on your sandles, grab a seat at the table, and start eating! We can be #1 again!