10 Things People Do At the Gym That Must Stop IMMEDIATELY
It’s impossible to write all of these awesome articles without a little help from these two things [writer points at his flexed arm muscles].
OK, so I’m exaggerating a bit, but gym-going is part of my weekly (if not daily) routine. I’ve got to get this energy from somewhere other than a double-shot of espresso, right? But as I’ve learned time and time again, going to the gym can be a major pain if the place is inhabited by mega-douches. There’s always got to be that guy with the high-and-tight, running shoes shaped like feet, and Gold’s Gym wife-beater on that disrupts your peaceful foray into the world of health.
These are the 10 things that should be abolished at the gym. We can almost guarantee you’ll agree with some of these things. Unless you’re a gym-douche.
Lifting Weights They Obviously Can’t Lift
About two years ago, I was at the gym on a Saturday morning (usually, the time of day with the lowest quotient of douches) and out-of-the-blue came this average looking guy of average build piled three 45-pound plates on either side of the bar. The guy got two reps before dropping it to his chest, without a spotter, and another member and I threw our backs out getting the bar back up. If you can’t lift it, don’t try it.
Working In For a Set — And Taking Forever
There’s an unspoken courtesy in most gyms — that if you work in for a set, work at the same speed as the other person. I can’t even begin to count how many times some meathead has said, “Hey, bro, can I work in?” and taken hours preparing himself for the actual lift and another twenty minutes for the actual set. If you work in, and take more time than the dude who’s on it to start, you deserve to have a coronary and die on the spot.
Calling Each Muscle By Its ‘Nickname’
Look, it’s great to know the parts of the body, how each works, and the limitations of each, but most of the idiots at the gym have zero understanding of anatomical terminology. They are regurgitating the terms they picked up from muscle magazines, their JV football coach or older juice head older brother.
Yelling Stuff at a Workout Partner
I don’t need to hear your outside voice in the gym. If you’re treating your gym partner like Private Pyle in a small room packed full of guys that just got off work, you are an imbecile.
Dropping Weights Loudly
I learned from an old, wise friend that controlling dumbbells down and letting them drop lightly on the gym’s matted floor is actually way more difficult than slamming them down on the ground like each weigh a trillion pounds apiece. If you can’t put them down, don’t pick them up.
Walking in Front of the Mirror
This may be one of the most annoying things that people do at the gym — and most of these idiots don’t even realize it’s bad form. Scene: You’re working out in front of a mirror, to work on your form, when out of nowhere some dude-bro walks between you and the mirror.
Explaining to Anyone What They Are Doing Wrong — Even if They Didn’t Ask
Have you ever been at the gym, when seemingly out of the ether swoops a muscle-bound guy in spandex who says, “Dude, you’re doing it all wrong,” then launches into a sermon? Yeah, we can imagine the answer is probably “yes.” Unless someone asked, no body asked!
Mixing Protein Shakes in the Water Fountain
People who mix protein shakes with the slow-moving water at the gym’s water fountain — and leave protein-shake sediment like concrete on the rim of the fountain– should be shot on site, so the wolves don’t have to put in the work.
Practicing Poses in the Mirror/Locker Room
Mirrors at gyms, we think, are to make the gym look bigger than it actually is. Also, it can be used to check your form (as we noted above). Beyond that, there’s really no use for them. So when that dope standing next to you starts flexing in front of it, lifting up his shirts to check his abdominal muscles, and “brah-ing” at himself under his breath, you will come to hate the mirror. If that same guy does this in the locker room, you have our permission to put a bar of soap in your tube sock and throttle him within an inch of his life.
Carrying a Giant Bag Around of ‘Gym Stuff’
If you’re a big, muscle-bound brute, everybody can see that — including the girls (or guys) that run from you in every direction. These types of fellas often also have a gigantic, hockey-equipment-sized duffle bag that they carry around everywhere to show people that they work out a lot. It’s full of smelly, sweaty clothing; canisters of PED-like powders that make them look stronger than they are; and jocks. In fact, it’s more like a purse than a duffle bag. Full of dirty clothes. So you basically look homeless and strong. Good for you.