We're not here to tell you how to run your life. But if we could make a suggestion, don't get your dad any of these things for Father's Day.

Not even as a joke, because what a waste of money. Maybe if you're really mad at him or something, these would make sense. But still, do you really want to spend $20 on a useless piece of garbage to make your dad feel bad when you could use that $20 to make 80 harassing calls from different pay phones? (Don't actually do that.) Here are some things to avoid this Father's Day.

  • 1

    Beer-Scented Soap


    Because you want your dad to smell like beer just in case he gets pulled over by the cops on the way to your house.

  • 2

    Ceramic Boot Full of Cactii

    iDreamOfSucculents, etsy

    Perfect! For no one!

  • 3

    Man Spanx


    Happy Father's Day! I got you a girdle because I am horrible!

  • 4



    It's a good thing everyone totally loves to talk about how bald they are, otherwise these would be the worst gift ever!!

  • 5

    World's Greatest Anything


    Why, you're such a great dad that I bought you this mug from the gas station when I realized you wouldn't be understanding at all that I forgot to get you a gift.

  • 6

    Nose Hair Trimmer


    Not okay.

  • 7

    Painted Rock


    Congratulations -- there is no way Dad is going to pay for you to go to art school now.

  • 8

    Novelty Tie


    "Awesome! This is perfect for when I go to the NEVER. I WILL NEVER WEAR THIS."

  • 9

    Chainsaw and a Case of Beer


    Just a horrible combination. Why would you even consider that?

  • 10

    Amanda Bynes-Style Tweet


    In general, try not to do anything Amanda Bynes has done.