Top 16 Signs You’re at a Redneck Halloween Party
Wonder what it’d be like to attend a Halloween party at Honey Boo Boo’s house? Well, we can safely assume it’d be similar to what’s described on this list of the top 16 signs you’re at a redneck Halloween party:
1. Nobody worries about candy rotting their teeth since the meth already did.
2. So they don’t have to waste money on a costume, everyone comes dressed as a Klansman.
3. To make sure kids strike it hard, the piñata is a Muslim.
4. Instead of reading scary stories, everyone imagines the Alabama Crimson Tide losing a game.
5. Dracula keeps using his fangs to open bottles of Pabst Blue Ribbon.
6. Every man, woman and child is dressed as Dale Earnhardt.
7. What you think is a run-down haunted house turns out to just be a house.
8. The only monsters in attendance are the trucks.
9. The scariest costume award went to someone dressed as “Obama’s Second Term.”
10. The only “horrifying” thing about the Wolfman chasing you around is his relentless stream of hacky Jeff Foxworthy jokes.
11. Instead of cobwebs and bats, the place is filled with pamphlets describing how to make a citizen’s arrest on anyone you spot wearing a turban.
12. The scary zombies lurching around the room are just the meth-heads that are hosting the party.
13. Everyone goes out and eggs the house in the neighborhood that handed out toothbrushes.
14. All the skeletons on display had their feet amputated because of diabetes.
15. The guy with the arrow through his head . . . that’s real.
16. The guy next to you dressed as Hank Williams Jr. really is Hank Williams Jr.