Watch: Car Almost Hits Pedestrians in Wichita Falls, Texas

What in the name of all that is holy is going on here?

Apparently, there is a "new type" of sandwich coming to town called The Texomian.

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The commercial for this "sandwich" is bonkers. Let's break it down.

Bring your own cheese.

So, the video opens up with a panning shot of a strip mall on Southwest Parkway, followed by a shot of Maximus, a strip bar. Then there is a montage of absolutely terrible editing while the voice-over guy describes making a burrito as if he invented it.  At the point when he says cheese, a tiny graphic appears that says "must bring your own chees." What?

Missing File

Next is where it gets crazy.  They have a portable sandwich stall in the middle of the street downtown which appears to be selling Texomian Sandwiches in exchange for a handshake.  Then, with no warning, a car driving down the road veers off at the last second to narrowly avoid hitting the people standing in line for a sandwich! Then, there's a graphic that says "missing file," as if they didn't finish editing this thing.

Coming soon

The Texomian Sandwich Facebook page has a post saying that they'll be coming to the old Long John Silver building on Southwest Parkway, but I drove over there and absolutely no renovating is taking place...

A discovery!

...but I did find this in the parking lot.  A used Texomian wrapper! What is going on here?

Pumpkin Spice

Omg there's a second commercial that's just as wild yet ever so slightly different.

Macies Day Texomian

Uhm, why not call it The Thanksgiving Texomian?  And the song! Have I mentioned how terrible the song is on all of these?

The perfect meal before lunch

Ok, this one had me cracking up. The terrible snow effect. Smashing the peppermint with a hammer for no reason.  Santa Clause winking at us.  This commercial has it all.